Acne:: /'aknē'/ noun Def: Certified Confidence Killer

Okay this one is going to a be a post that would make my father cringe so DAD, Look away if you're reading this one...minor adult content, you've been warned. (Also...possibly the aunts & mom might also not want to read today's post...)

Okay, now that that's out of the way, I want to say first and foremost that living a happy healthy life STARTS WITH eating right and exercising but there's SO MUCH that goes along with being happy, right? For instance, practicing self love is always a good idea. When our minds are in the right places, then we make better choices. When we feel better about ourselves, when we learn to care about ourselves, we truly begin to appreciate who we are and all that we have to offer. We get more out of life, when we are happy and feel whole.

Yesterday sitting down to an amazing Thanksgiving feast with my family and my sister made a comment, totally not on purpose, so I am not judging you at all, That I looked a little wind blown. Sure we had been standing out in the cold waiting for the tree lighting ceremony in the city to begin, but it looked last night almost as if I had a sunburn.

The thing is, I've been using this awful stuff from the dermatologist that is working, as in getting rid of the cycstic acne, but it's really just a bunch of chemicals that basically dry my face out to the point of just an overall redness/dryness, that looks goofy. (First world problem kind of stuff I guess.)

Anyway, my sister didn't know, and I'm also going with the excuse that the lighting at my parents house is terrible. (Sorry mom...HEY! You should have stopped reading by now!) Her accidental comment led to a conversation, after dinner and pictures, started by my well meaning grandmother about the acne on my face. It is literally the most embarrassing

thing ever. For me, anyway. I mean, this is the face I present to the world. I always hope people can see beyond what I have going on but sometimes, the acne controls matter how good I eat, no matter if I use the dermatologist stuff or wash my face 3 times a day...sometimes, it's just bad.

That picture that you are seeing right now...that's actually GOOD compared to what it USED to be...either way, I felt SUPER down after the conversation. I have been using the coconut oil as a face cleanser and I have started using high end makeup, with better quality and acne control. On top of using the stuff the derm gave me.

I am about a week into using the coconut oil and it's hydrating my face well enough that I am no longer cracking and peeling, which is awesome but my face still has the red look to it, and....I'm digressing...

My hubby could tell (This is the point where my parents/aunts/brother will want to skip over.) that I was feeling a bit down & he said
"I know what would take your mind off that." Winky face, nudge, nudge.
I responded with "How can you find me desirable right now?" (As in my face looks horrible... seriously, I totally don't feel sexy right now.)
He said, without hesitation "I guess you're going to have to learn to find yourself desirable."
I can see how this line could be interpret in the wrong way, but having him been my partner in crime for the last 12 years, I can tell you for sure what he meant.
What my husband was really saying was that I need to learn to find myself beautiful and confident. He can't instill that me. He already finds me beautiful, and desirable. Luckily, I am blessed that my husband has always loved me no matter what I looked like. Unfit and unhealthy to this new me...this "athlete".

I missed what could have been a perfectly nice evening with my husband because I was frustrated about my face. Which made me feel worse.

(Parents/ can start reading again, if you stuck in this long anyway.) I absolutely HATE talking about my face. It's the first thing people see and the first thing not so well meaning strangers might comment on. Especially kids, because we all know they have no filters.

photo credit in the picture

So how do I move forward? I have to learn to harness being confident and beautiful ALL the time, not just when my skin MAGICALLY clears up. I will keep trying new products, but I want something that lasts. I've also looking into sulfate and paraben free hair care products, as sometimes that has been known to cause acne. For now...I'll call the derm again on Monday and hope for the best.

Photo credit in picture
Focusing on the positive to is always a good thing. I had a great Thanksgiving with family! I will write about my Paleo pies & sides tomorrows, & let you know the ups and downs of a gluten/dairy/soy free & yes a grain free Holiday!



Anonymous said…
I read it and was not freaked out at all. I figured you and Kevin ... Well you know... And I totally got what he meant. He finds you beautiful and he was telling you that you needed to see yourself through his eyes. I know, eSier said then done, lol. Have you ever thought that you might be allergic to gluten in your face products? I'm sure you have but there is some young lady that has lists somewhere online about gluten free make up. I'll find it for you.
Hope you and Kevin had s good Thanksgiving *wink wink nudge nudge* ��