Spoon Theory: PCOS Awareness Month

A few Sundays ago, I woke up feeling depleted of energy. The kind of tired where your body is fine but your soul is exhausted. My anxiety, the week prior, had been triggered by a few horror stories and a bad movie about how women are so easily taken advantaged of, used for the their bodies. On top of work being stressful, learning a new skill, and dealing with house issues. I just couldn't fake smile my way through anything.

I sat on the couch, in my pajamas and watched  a cheesy teen flick. It was exactly what I needed.

There's a theory called the Spoon Theory. It's pretty popular among people who deal with chronic illness such as Fibromyaglia, MS, lupus, etc. Between managing my PCOS symptoms and my anxiety, I often think of the spoon theory when I'm having a tough day.


If you would like to read the story in full, head over to But You Don't Look Sick - and read all about how Christine Miseradino created this theory. Essentially on any given day a healthy person will have, say 12 spoons. They use each spoon to accomplish something throughout their day. Working out, showering, work, driving, picking kids up/dropping off/grocery shopping. You catch my drift.
However, with someone who has a chronic illness, they have 6 spoons one day, 3 the next, 7 the day after that. Sure, every now and then a healthy person will wake up with a few less spoons, but for the most part you're able to get through your day with an average of 12 days. A person dealing with anxiety or a chronic illness, has a limited number of spoons, almost all of time.

This particular Sunday I woke up with exactly two spoons. I could feel it in my bones. I didn't want to talk to my husband, I didn't want to look at my phone, I barely managed to text a friend to let her know I wouldn't be coming to church. I needed to just and be left alone. I knew I needed my two spoons later in the day and I wanted to reserve them for as long as possible.

Since that Sunday, I wake up with, generally, most of my spoons. Learning when I need to rest, set boundaries, eat better, helps with managing my spoons.

Today, while I had most of my spoons, I think I ran out around the 6th spoon. I got frustrated at work, basically stomped around for a few minutes, then felt guilty for being a stompy pants. Basically spiraled from there. I got to talk to a friend, so I recouped a little, but on the way home tonight my vehicle lost power. It began with the gauge light going off and hot air blowing out of the vents. Then the radio kept turning off and on, next were the dash lights, and finally...the head lights. In a frantic call to both my mother and my husband on 12% phone battery, I was able to get pulled over and away from traffic safely.

The thing was, my husband was at our house installing our new fridge, because the night before our old one went out. Que lots of running around to hide food in the downstairs freezer/mini fridge. Basically not getting to bed till after 11 for 3 nights in a row. Then last night an instant trip to the appliance store to purchase new fridge led us to deciding well...we don't need anymore problems, let's get a stove too.
See, just a few months before our dishwasher went out. Last year our kitchen fan, which we finally got replaced. Then a few weeks ago our downstairs light went out, followed quickly by the hallway light. Everything at once decided it was done and just gave up.

Part of my story is that I manage my symptoms for PCOS everyday. We battle infertility among a few other things, but making decisions to spend money on something that isn't leading us towards the direction of buying a baby...causes strife and often...on my part...tears.

However, it was through tears that I questioned..."Am I trusting God to get me through this?" 

Right now, I have a job that's allowing us to be able to make the much needed purchases of a downstairs fan, new kitchen appliances, as well a new alternator for my vehicle. I budgeted money for a new roof, but that will have to be put off till next year.

In the meantime, we had a few amazing friends and family come to our rescue tonight to install our new fridge while my mom and the man picked me up from a roadside gas station.

It's the small miracles that get us through days like this. It's times like this where you think "when it rains, it pours." I know some of you have been in this position where you needed a reno job because your basement flooded or you have 4 bald tires, the snow hit for the winter, and you have exactly $7.64 in your checking account.
If you're on the other side of this, you think "Man! I didn't think I could get through that! I didn't know I could get through that!"
If you went through infertility for 3 years, 7 years, 12 years and you finally had your miracle baby you've said to yourself "I didn't know I could through that."

It's the days where God whispers, I love you, instead of shouting it. Where he reminds you that there's a purpose to this pain.

Having PCOS sucks, but I don't have to lose myself in the vitamins and medicine. I don't have to throw a pity party because literally EVERYTHING IN AND OUTSIDE OF THE DAMN HOUSE BROKE AT ONCE!!!! I might shout about it...maybe even cry...but remembering to look for the small miracles. Moms who drop watching a new movie to come sit with you while your vehicle gets charged. Two brother in-laws and friend who install your fridge and stove. Remember the blessing of what we have is actually a lot. These are the moments that get us through to the next.

When life gets tough, look for your small miracle. Remember, it was ordinary for Moses to go check on a burning bush, but it was extraordinary when he found God in that moment. 

September is national PCOS (poly cystic ovary syndrome) Awareness Month. I will be posting a lot more about how I manage my symptoms, new things I've tried. New things, I've learned. Stay tuned as I share recipes, and motivation for being happy, healthy, and whole.


Blessings,
A

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