You Want a Piece of Me?

It's late. Well, it's only 9:20 and by the time I finish this post it will be just before 10. Well that, and I have an acne mask on my face.

The reason why I couldn't wait to post is because I have found myself in the middle of a SPECTACULAR hate filled speech about how my body looks. For real.

It's bad.

Like, look how fat you are getting, those 5lbs you lost? That's cool here's 8 back. Awesome...body... thanks.

I'm starting to feel like that line from Britney Spears song, Piece of Me, "I'm Mrs She's too big now she's too thin."

I can hear people in my head telling me how bad I looked when I weighed 17lbs less. Sure I've put on some muscle, but people...let's be real. I know what I put in my mouth every day. I know how to monitor to my health. Eating endless amounts of chocolate and popcorn, is not it and that's what I've been doing. I do need to take into account that I did just get off a 'booze cruise' (use the term lightly, I didn't drink that much.) two weeks ago and it's going to take a minute to come back from that.


However, I also remember what it was like to hate my body. Too not feel comfortable in my own skin but just fat enough to know that people wouldn't look me up and down as a sexual object. I used the weight as a cover because I never wanted to feel used again. While simultaneously hating how I looked and felt in EVERYTHING I tried on. Anything I picked out. I hated.

While I'm only 17 pounds heavier, I officially know what it feels like to start back over again. Not quite from the ultimate beginning, but I do know that I truly am beginning this journey again.

I'm going to share this next picture...not to brag and not to make you feel sorry for me, or to incite any feelings in you, other than, inspiration. I want you to know where I came from...in the beginning and where I am today.



I need you to know that health is a LIFE LONG commitment as well as a journey. The picture on the left is me 10 years ago right after we bought our house, at my heaviest. The picture on the right is me this past January, 2017, marathon weekend.

This is what I looked like 17 pounds ago...

(February 2015)

So I took a journey through my Facebook and Google Drive photos....how can I let the scale dictate how I feel about my body? But really, right now...I only let it because I feel uncomfortable. My skin is freaking out. My mood is...extremely unpleasant. And I feel like a busted can of biscuits. I could barely push through a workout yesterday. I feel sluggish.

Even this photo....



Smaller tummy and hips...same pic on the left but...I had to do some research on my Map My Fitness app. My parents bought me this shirt after one of their most memorable vacations (the Love in white.) That was actually 3 years ago this April, this was me 13 pounds ago.

It's weird how clothes make a difference, how eating right makes you FEEL healthy. It doesn't matter my number on the scale, what really matter is how I am fueling my body. I have not had a couple of good months. For real. I've been stressing eating, trying to stay above the depression and the anxiety. I think I just was doing everything else to cope except being healthy. As dumb as that sounds. Good food, hitting the gym was just not my priority, I needed a quick fix for a tough situation and I let food satisfy me.

What a wake up call!

I'm determined to be the comeback kid this year. I am determined to get our finances to Dave Ramsey like perfection. To get my health on track. To remember that which brings me Joy and Peace is ultimately going to serve me in the long run. 

Alright it's officially WAYYY after my bedtime. But I really had to get this all off my chest.



With love,
Blessings,
A

Comments

Amanda, contact me to help you with your Dave Ramsey program. I have all the tools you need to get back on track.
Amanda Goe said…
OOOH!!! I didn't even think of that!! I should!!!