I'm detouring from my Wednesday Crush list (ALREADY!?) but this week was a struggle. Real talk time.
I'm not sure at what point I was hit by the anxiety train but last week it wasn't good. Especially when you have a dream of giving birth to twins but yet you wake up the next morning to still find out your infertile. That's always fun. Those feelings of holding a baby and kissing their soft little cheeks. Counting fingers and tiny little toes...then in the cold light of day you feel like you've been hit by a dump truck going 40 mph. Sluggish. Hard to get through the day. I looked for little things all day to cheer me up. A phone call from my mom, a really good laugh with a friend, a pretty decent run on Wednesday night. All of those things helped.
Then the weekend came. Normally I love Easter, but this Easter felt off. Went to a new church, REALLY enjoyed the Easter play on the death and resurrection of Christ.
It struck me though that during the nailing of his hands and feet, that Jesus is like a super hero. Some people see super hero's who can conquer the world. Escape in odds. Live forever.
In Mark 15 around verse 30, someone yells at Jesus to come down off that cross, to save himself. If you are who you say you are, come down off that cross!
But he didn't. He wouldn't. His love for us, was greater than what he endured.
It made me think about the American solider. Laying down his life so that I can live the way I want to live. Free. I couldn't stop crying. It was hard to suck back the tears sitting next to a loved one who has served.
But also a blessing and an honor.
I'm not sure at what point I was hit by the anxiety train but last week it wasn't good. Especially when you have a dream of giving birth to twins but yet you wake up the next morning to still find out your infertile. That's always fun. Those feelings of holding a baby and kissing their soft little cheeks. Counting fingers and tiny little toes...then in the cold light of day you feel like you've been hit by a dump truck going 40 mph. Sluggish. Hard to get through the day. I looked for little things all day to cheer me up. A phone call from my mom, a really good laugh with a friend, a pretty decent run on Wednesday night. All of those things helped.
Then the weekend came. Normally I love Easter, but this Easter felt off. Went to a new church, REALLY enjoyed the Easter play on the death and resurrection of Christ.
It struck me though that during the nailing of his hands and feet, that Jesus is like a super hero. Some people see super hero's who can conquer the world. Escape in odds. Live forever.
In Mark 15 around verse 30, someone yells at Jesus to come down off that cross, to save himself. If you are who you say you are, come down off that cross!
But he didn't. He wouldn't. His love for us, was greater than what he endured.
It made me think about the American solider. Laying down his life so that I can live the way I want to live. Free. I couldn't stop crying. It was hard to suck back the tears sitting next to a loved one who has served.
But also a blessing and an honor.
The rest of Sunday I was lost in my head. Then today, I had to stay away from the news, it's been overwhelming, all the major headlines. I know I am not supposed to fear or worry. Remembering that Christ has the authority over everything and with his authority I can trust that peace is close behind him.
Remembering what brings me peace during tough days, that helps me remember why I am enduring this valley.
I have been completely unmotivated to run lately, but on tough days we have to dig deep and push.
Remember your why. Why it is you do what you do. What wakes you up every morning, what pushes you to want to be healthier, to work out, to create goals. Overcoming the funk through prayer, running, doing what's best for me. Fighting hard on the rough days, and praising God throughout it all.
Alright, I have got to eat dinner and get to bed.
Blessings and goodnight everyone,
A
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