I found myself in another bout. I'm not sure how depression affects everyone, I feel mine physically as well as emotionally. Sure it's 'the normal' grief process of sadness, anger, despair, but physically I feel so drained. Especially when I'm alone. I feel weighed down with thick heavy bricks. I either binge eat or don't eat, or just eat junk.
I could feel it sliding back on, the heaviness of it. The pretending to be okay. The struggle to fake a smile when I'd rather curl up into a ball and stay in bed all day.
5 pregnancy announcements in no less than 6 weeks. While I love each and everyone one of these women, and I am over joyed that they have been blessed, I still feel each announcement in my core like a sucker punch. Head spin, losing breath. How do people go through this journey for over 8 years? Over 15 years?
I imagine with a lot of faith, prayers, and doing your dang best to take care of yourself and your partner.
I haven't been as great at running this time around, but every time I run I feel free from the feelings that are weighing me down. A few weekends ago, someone mistakenly told me congratulations for being pregnant. I had so many emotions course through me in that moment. However, the next day, I got up, dusted off my shoes and put 12 miles between me and that comment. It seems silly now really.
I have my good days and bad. I do my best to express to those around me, how to help me on my bad days. I continue to exercise, and while I am dealing with my emotions through food, I'm starting to fight back against the darkness. In 2014 it took over a year to feel center again. 2015 was sandwiched between a failed IUI and the death of a family member, death of a beloved pet, and the death of a friends brothe. All while having other family members living with us, in between...my life was in an upheaval. A lot of changes in a very, very short amount of time. 2016 was a slow crawl back into the new normal.
I didn't have the fight left in me to get better. I knew what it took to feel better, and the fight was just gone.
So here's my part 2. Starting this journey to fight back again. 1 mile at a time, one step at a time.
For part 1 of this Journey go here ~> Part 1 Running Through Depression
Alright, I'm off to rest well and get up early!
Blessings,
A
I could feel it sliding back on, the heaviness of it. The pretending to be okay. The struggle to fake a smile when I'd rather curl up into a ball and stay in bed all day.
5 pregnancy announcements in no less than 6 weeks. While I love each and everyone one of these women, and I am over joyed that they have been blessed, I still feel each announcement in my core like a sucker punch. Head spin, losing breath. How do people go through this journey for over 8 years? Over 15 years?
I imagine with a lot of faith, prayers, and doing your dang best to take care of yourself and your partner.
I haven't been as great at running this time around, but every time I run I feel free from the feelings that are weighing me down. A few weekends ago, someone mistakenly told me congratulations for being pregnant. I had so many emotions course through me in that moment. However, the next day, I got up, dusted off my shoes and put 12 miles between me and that comment. It seems silly now really.
I have my good days and bad. I do my best to express to those around me, how to help me on my bad days. I continue to exercise, and while I am dealing with my emotions through food, I'm starting to fight back against the darkness. In 2014 it took over a year to feel center again. 2015 was sandwiched between a failed IUI and the death of a family member, death of a beloved pet, and the death of a friends brothe. All while having other family members living with us, in between...my life was in an upheaval. A lot of changes in a very, very short amount of time. 2016 was a slow crawl back into the new normal.
I didn't have the fight left in me to get better. I knew what it took to feel better, and the fight was just gone.
So here's my part 2. Starting this journey to fight back again. 1 mile at a time, one step at a time.
For part 1 of this Journey go here ~> Part 1 Running Through Depression
Alright, I'm off to rest well and get up early!
Blessings,
A
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