It occurred to me the other day, what if everything really was working out for God's glory and my good? What if the long way around is what it's taking to put this dream together?
What if taking the long way around is providing me a way to become debt free to stay home with future little ones to teach them the Glory of God? To be productive, law abiding citizens? What if the long way around is providing me with a way to be debt free, purchase another house to be closer to the nieces and nephews, to take them to church, to teach them the gospel? What if the long way around is providing a way for my husband and I to become closer, to teach each other how character is built from pain? To cling to one another? What if the long way around is taking it's time to set us up for having an animal sanctuary for strays?
I know that the long way around has brought light to the darkest places. The long way around has brought me friendships formed in fire that are now deeper, more heartfelt relationships. The long way around has helped me find those who have also struggled, being able to look each other in the face and say 'me too.' It is a lonely journey, but it is also a rewarding one. I have more empathy for others struggles. I have more empathy for the hard choices others have to face.
The long way around has brought me a career that allows me to be home more often with my small family of two people and one 4-legged spoiled,overweight, love muffin. (Ms. B.)
What if the long way around is supporting my friends as they raise fur-less babies? What if the long way around is all about being the best god-parents on planet earth?
How I can be a blessing to those around me during this time! It's teaching me true joy, that doesn't come from food or other worldly things. It's teaching me strength when I'm weak. It's teaching me that it's okay to ask for help, to accept love when it's given freely. The long way around is teaching me the unconditional love of humanity. Yes, it's out there.
Now...if I can only hold tight to all of these thoughts when the pain of infertility hits me right in my chest. When it feels like the easiest thing to do is crumble. If only I could cry when I actually needed to cry. My whole life, if something bothers me, I put it in a box until I'm ready to emotionally deal with it.
However...Albus Dumbledore recently taught me
What if taking the long way around is providing me a way to become debt free to stay home with future little ones to teach them the Glory of God? To be productive, law abiding citizens? What if the long way around is providing me with a way to be debt free, purchase another house to be closer to the nieces and nephews, to take them to church, to teach them the gospel? What if the long way around is providing a way for my husband and I to become closer, to teach each other how character is built from pain? To cling to one another? What if the long way around is taking it's time to set us up for having an animal sanctuary for strays?
I know that the long way around has brought light to the darkest places. The long way around has brought me friendships formed in fire that are now deeper, more heartfelt relationships. The long way around has helped me find those who have also struggled, being able to look each other in the face and say 'me too.' It is a lonely journey, but it is also a rewarding one. I have more empathy for others struggles. I have more empathy for the hard choices others have to face.
The long way around has brought me a career that allows me to be home more often with my small family of two people and one 4-legged spoiled,overweight, love muffin. (Ms. B.)
What if the long way around is supporting my friends as they raise fur-less babies? What if the long way around is all about being the best god-parents on planet earth?
Now...if I can only hold tight to all of these thoughts when the pain of infertility hits me right in my chest. When it feels like the easiest thing to do is crumble. If only I could cry when I actually needed to cry. My whole life, if something bothers me, I put it in a box until I'm ready to emotionally deal with it.
However...Albus Dumbledore recently taught me
"Numbing the pain for awhile will make it worse when you finally feel it."
I think I forget that the mustard seed isn't just for the future, but for the now. I must have a seed of faith that I can move past the darkness. I can get through this moment. I must have a small mustard seed for faith that I have the joy, the faith, and strength from Christ to get me through any trial I may be facing.
Remembering that I'm not stuck in these dark moments, because I have the faith of a mustard seed.
Here's to us, remembering to turn on the light, and hold tight to that seed.
Blessings,
A
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