First and foremost, I apologize for not being able to follow up from my blog post last week. I wanted to talk about how the distractions from our goals can lead us astray. The devil will find your achilles heal and then just continuously hit it with his rod, leaving your feeling depleted and exhausted.
Luckily with the help of my friend that I pay for (aka my therapist) I was able to identify the distractions in my life. I was able to let go of the frustrations and set some healthy boundaries for what was pulling my focus from my objectives.
This week, I might have a new distraction. This one comes from a far away land, called junior high. I'm not that old but it feels like a different planet now as I look back into those fuzzy memories of after school dances and boyfriends that lasted two weeks.
This memory is from one particular boyfriend...I'm uncertain of the timing, because I'm a bit more aged...and I tend to forget anything that's happened more than 3-5 years ago. Anyway, last night as I pulling the pork chops out of the oven, (side note... I had been looking forward to these all day! Delicious, oven roasted, crispy seasoned ranch pork chops.) to the counter, I remembered...someone in junior high used the word pork chop as a means to call me fat.
Then that spiraled to one time I was walking home from a friends house and two boys who lived in our neighborhood yelled obscenities at me calling me a fat ass. One time, at the age of 15, someone asked me if I was pregnant...I can assure I was not. Sure my shirt was buttoned in such a way, and I've always had a pooch, but for a stranger standing behind the counter, RUDE! Awkward!...lastly,the worst of all, I was touched inappropriately as a child by an adult I trusted.
I'm not telling you this to garner sympathy or attention, the reason I'm talking about it today is because it made me wonder...am I truly trying to lose weight for me, or for the rest of the world? So the rest of the world will think I'm beautiful?
No wonder I have such a messed up relationship with my body and body image. It's no wonder I place such an emphasis on the scale and being a certain size jeans.
On the flip side though, exercise helps me feel better. Mentally and physically. I love being able to haul rock around the backyard. I love being able to run long distances. I love to flex...it's not much, but it's there. I love feeling strong! Feeling strong empowers me to be more confident. I like feeling as if I would be able to fight back against an attacker. I love feeling like I can outrun others. I'm not super fast but I'm faster than people on the couch ;)
At times I was uncomfortable with the weight I lost, as men would make comments that-they bet I "would look good in a bikini". Weird, since essentially a bikini is like dancing around in your under ware. Don't get me wrong if you LOVE bikini's DO IT!!!! I would love to wear one some day...just you know...not in front of a bunch of people I know lol.
I shouldn't have to feel ashamed of my body because people can't control their words or their actions. I shouldn't have to feel ashamed because I don't fit a certain size or standard.
I listened to this sermon today about how Jesus fills the gap between shame and ourselves. We are healed through Jesus of our shame. Shame that has nothing to do with us but that we put upon ourselves, our put on us by our enemies and even people we know.
Luckily with the help of my friend that I pay for (aka my therapist) I was able to identify the distractions in my life. I was able to let go of the frustrations and set some healthy boundaries for what was pulling my focus from my objectives.
This week, I might have a new distraction. This one comes from a far away land, called junior high. I'm not that old but it feels like a different planet now as I look back into those fuzzy memories of after school dances and boyfriends that lasted two weeks.
This memory is from one particular boyfriend...I'm uncertain of the timing, because I'm a bit more aged...and I tend to forget anything that's happened more than 3-5 years ago. Anyway, last night as I pulling the pork chops out of the oven, (side note... I had been looking forward to these all day! Delicious, oven roasted, crispy seasoned ranch pork chops.) to the counter, I remembered...someone in junior high used the word pork chop as a means to call me fat.
Then that spiraled to one time I was walking home from a friends house and two boys who lived in our neighborhood yelled obscenities at me calling me a fat ass. One time, at the age of 15, someone asked me if I was pregnant...I can assure I was not. Sure my shirt was buttoned in such a way, and I've always had a pooch, but for a stranger standing behind the counter, RUDE! Awkward!...lastly,the worst of all, I was touched inappropriately as a child by an adult I trusted.
I'm not telling you this to garner sympathy or attention, the reason I'm talking about it today is because it made me wonder...am I truly trying to lose weight for me, or for the rest of the world? So the rest of the world will think I'm beautiful?
No wonder I have such a messed up relationship with my body and body image. It's no wonder I place such an emphasis on the scale and being a certain size jeans.
The unfortunate part is...my story is not unusual or rare.
On the flip side though, exercise helps me feel better. Mentally and physically. I love being able to haul rock around the backyard. I love being able to run long distances. I love to flex...it's not much, but it's there. I love feeling strong! Feeling strong empowers me to be more confident. I like feeling as if I would be able to fight back against an attacker. I love feeling like I can outrun others. I'm not super fast but I'm faster than people on the couch ;)
At times I was uncomfortable with the weight I lost, as men would make comments that-they bet I "would look good in a bikini". Weird, since essentially a bikini is like dancing around in your under ware. Don't get me wrong if you LOVE bikini's DO IT!!!! I would love to wear one some day...just you know...not in front of a bunch of people I know lol.
I shouldn't have to feel ashamed of my body because people can't control their words or their actions. I shouldn't have to feel ashamed because I don't fit a certain size or standard.
I listened to this sermon today about how Jesus fills the gap between shame and ourselves. We are healed through Jesus of our shame. Shame that has nothing to do with us but that we put upon ourselves, our put on us by our enemies and even people we know.
We need to forgive ourselves for thinking we're not enough.
My pastor describes the act of forgiveness as being able to let go of wanting to punish the people who have wronged us. It doesn't always mean reconciliation, but it does me letting go of the anger and the right to pass judgement on that person. (Sometimes authorities need to be called in, whether it's the cops or the church in order for forgiveness and healing to happen.)
What are we punishing ourselves for? Why are we ashamed of our God-given bodies? What do we need to let go of?
We have to let go of perfection, we have to let go of shame in order to become the people we are meant to be. Don't let anyone stand in the way of your health, or your goals.
That is all for now friends. Let's start a journey of healing our bodies, our minds, and even maybe our guts...if you're like me and have all the food issues ;)
Let's continue our journey to a healthy spirit, a healthy mind, and a healthy body. No matter our size.
Blessings,
A
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