Fertility By the Numbers

I'm not gonna lie, every time I start to talk "publically" about our fertility journey, I chicken out. Sure I'll talk to my close friends and family about, and I've mentioned it on here quite a few times, but to actually sit down and explain our timeline feels so...invasive. Invasive because I feel like we could have done things differently or should have done things differently. Why did we wait so long in the first place to find treatment? Why have we only done 1 IUI in 8 years? Those kinds of things. If you break it all down though, most of it comes down to money; money and emotions.

When first started trying to conceive we were in our mid-twenties. We didn't have a lot of money and I wasn't exactly writing checks out of the correct account. Whoops! When we finally sought out treatment we were worried about the costs. We took a year or two off to heal emotionally after our diagnoses'. When we were emotionally ready, we weren't financially ready. Knowing we didn't have the full amount to pay for the IUI my parents very graciously helped us with some of the financing. 1 maxed out credit card, 1 savings account drained, and 1 failed IUI later equaled 1 sad and very broke couple.
We've since changed focus. Hoping to be debt free, or as close to debt free as possible, that way when we do go back for treatment, we'll be able to pay for multiple rounds of IUIs. This summer I will start applying for grants for treatment through several organizations to help with our dream of adding to our family.

For the most part, people will ask well-meaning questions such as "do you want kids, will you adopt, have you thought about surrogacy?" Often it's hard to answer those questions because we haven't even really gotten the chance to try different treatments. We have our answers, but we aren't really sharing them with everyone either. Mostly because when people have kids naturally, how often do you get asked: "Are you going to have another one?" Probably a lot! Most of the time if pregnancy came easy to you, or you enjoyed your pregnancy, or feel you want more, you'll probably answer with a resounding "YES!" but if your answers to the above questions were far from easy, then you too might answer "Well...(sigh)...Maybe."

There's more to consider when the answer is "Well, maybe"

For 1 in 8 couples in America, the questions we face with building a family more often than not are dictated by your bank account.
First, there's the diagnosis phase.
For anyone under 35 after 1 year of trying and you haven't become pregnant it's advised to see your doctor. The questions then become 'which doctor do you see, is the doctor in network or out of network? Will insurance cover this?' For most, insurance companies will cover tests to find a diagnosis. After diagnosis, however, more often than out, everything is out of pocket. (At least it was for us.) If you're over 35 you should see your doctor after 6 months of trying.

Depending on your diagnosis the options are typically as follows:

Medicated timed intercourse
IUI
IUI with donor sperm
IVF
IVF with ICSI
IVF with donor eggs
IVF with donor sperm
IVF with donor embryo(s)
Surrogacy
Adoption
"Child-free"

Each couple must decide for themselves what works best for them. Each answer, each treatment will as individual each person's individual fingerprint.

Now for the breakdown...
*Finding a diagnosis can also be costly depending on if your insurance covers certain tests. Unfortunately, there is no average for this, but to give you a start ours was about $500, this included several inter-uterine ultrasounds.

*Medications can cost anywhere from $155 to $6,446 per cycle. (I'm also only skimmy the surface. I won't throw too many details at you here. It's more a general idea of the cost.)

*With any type of IUI the pregnancy rate falls between 7 to 16% per cycle. With low odds, it's still thought to be one of the more "affordable options" with prices ranging from $700 to $2,000 per cycle.  Add additional if you're using donor sperm. (I believe in total ours was $3,000 which included an outpatient biopsy procedure.)

*If you choose IVF, success rates are higher if you're under 40 years of age, for women. Unfortunately, this is also one of the more costly options.  The cost can range anywhere from $14,000 and $38,000 if you use donor eggs.

*If a couple decides to go with a surrogate, the average cost with lawyers included hospital stays, out of pocket treatment for the third party that can cost up to $120,000. This cost would also include using an agency to help find a surrogate.

*If a couple feels more called to adopt on average they would spend up to $40,000 according to the American Adoptions website or up to $47,000 for international adoption. A couple might also choose Foster Care Adoption, which is the least expensive method of growing a family but can be upwards of $3,000.

*There's also the "child-free" option. Where a couple could forgo any and all treatment, or TRY any and all treatment then ultimately decide it's "not meant to be for them".

Luckily, we are not alone. There are scholarships and grants available to couples through different sources. Please check out Resolve.org for more information on grants or scholarships. They also offer information on different financing options, as well. Other avenues for financial assistant include go fund me pages, garage sales (My sister used up some of her paid time off to help me run a 4-day garage sale for our IUI treatment. Bless her beautiful heart for that. 💝), have an Etsy shop to sell products with all proceeds going towards your treatment or family building options. You could take out a personal or get a credit card.

In the midst of our IUI I filled out paperwork to receive rebates the shots I was using, while it wasn't much, I was still incredibly grateful for the opportunity to even get a little reprieve. I will forever be grateful to everyone who helped. Those who sent kind words, love, prayers, and definitely for financial help.

The over half of the infertility equation are the emotions and grief that can arise from trying to grow your family with help or assistance. Not everyone can jump from treatment to treatment without dealing with the painful cycles of grief that occur when another cycle fails, or another door is closed to you. Taking time on this journey is incredibly important. Life, in general, requires self-care, but when you are faced with treatments, procedures, and medicines, month after month, and still feeling as if your body has failed you. You need to take time to heal. See a therapist (also another cost.) Learn a new hobby, reinvest in your marriage, go on vacation (again...these also cost money...some of them...I took up running.)
This journey is not easy and until each couple comes to a final decision or reaches their goal or endpoint, please continue to stick with them through prayer and love. With an open heart and ears for listening, your support can mean the difference between a bad day and a better one.
If you have any questions please feel free to email me or reach out. I would be happy to help in any way I can.
Blessings,
A