Speaking with a friend last week, I realized just how mentally fatigued I am. I've been burning my candlestick not just at both ends but melting it completely with one giant flame thrower. When you discover that running a marathon is actually 70% mental and 30% physical then it's easy to understand why my runs haven't been going so well.
Completing 8 miles on Saturday was exhausting. The first 4 on the treadmill and the second 4 outside, in the humidity, where it felt like you could almost CHEW the air. Gross. Running helps with my anxiety though. It frees up that overloaded, overtaxed space where I keep all of my worries and fears, and I've had a lot of fears lately.
Thinking about trying to list them right now, has me glaring off into space and instantly becoming not only mentally exhausted but physically fatigued. I could take a nap. House chores, decluttering, missing family members, marathon training, work, part-time work, health, husband...forgetting to schedule time with loved ones. I've taken it all on lately and I didn't need too.
I finally was able to check out the audiobook of Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis, and man...does she speak truth into my life.
Completing 8 miles on Saturday was exhausting. The first 4 on the treadmill and the second 4 outside, in the humidity, where it felt like you could almost CHEW the air. Gross. Running helps with my anxiety though. It frees up that overloaded, overtaxed space where I keep all of my worries and fears, and I've had a lot of fears lately.
Thinking about trying to list them right now, has me glaring off into space and instantly becoming not only mentally exhausted but physically fatigued. I could take a nap. House chores, decluttering, missing family members, marathon training, work, part-time work, health, husband...forgetting to schedule time with loved ones. I've taken it all on lately and I didn't need too.
I finally was able to check out the audiobook of Girl, Wash Your Face by Rachel Hollis, and man...does she speak truth into my life.
The first life lesson was living with intention. Yes, our words have power, but our actions shape our lives. I've always believed that actions speak louder than words. You can say anything you want "I'm going to run a marathon!" but if you don't hit the pavement and put one front in front of the other a few times a week, you're never going to get to that finish line. Rachel talked about the importance of not breaking a promise to yourself and being careful with your commitments.
"If you constantly make and break promises to yourself, you're not making promises at all. You're talking... I know that blowing off a workout, a date, an afternoon to organize your closet or some previous commitment to yourself doesn't seem like a big deal, but it is. It's a really big deal...if you chose today to not break another promise to yourself, you will force yourself to slow down. You cannot keep every commitment, promise, goal, and idea without intentionality. If you recognize that your words have power and that your commits carry covenant weight, you won't agree to anything so easily. Slow down your yes. Only commit to things you know you can accomplish because they're incredibly important to you. Otherwise, you set yourself up for continued failure."
We're not meant "to do it all." Yet I feel challenged and convicted to take on everything. (You can call that conviction, guilt.) Rather than taking a beat and a breath and asking myself what really matters I yes to everything. This time though, this yes has the potential to break my heart. I will explain later this month about what I mean, but for now, just know that while I want to run another marathon, I'm finding it overwhelming. I'm also carrying stress that I'm not meant to carry. My friend encouraged me to turn over that stress to God as the situation is completely out of my control. It's hard to sit and wait for another answer. I'm petrified of getting my hopes again. I'm afraid of getting my heart broken, again. I don't know how much abuse one heart can withstand. What I do know though, is that training for a long distance race has been a primary source of how I work through my problems. It clears my head, helps me talk to God.
I love the quote by Will Smith and especially that last one. Even though this next yes could potentially break my heart, it's almost as if God is saying "Take me by the hand. I will not leave you here in this heartbreak."
For now, I'm putting the things I can't control firmly back into God's hands and taking it one mile and one commitment at a time.
Blessings everyone,
A
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