Therapy Thursday Holiday Survival Guide

It's that special time of year where Christmas lights are hung, gifts are being given, treats are being baked, and that overwhelming feeling of anxiety, sadness, and pain comes creeping in from all corners. I don't mean to bring you down friend, but what I do want to do is tell you that if you are struggling. It's okay.

 It's okay to not be okay when everyone is excited to spend time around the fireplace playing games with loved ones. Maybe you recently had to say goodbye to a special furbaby unexpectedly or a family member after a lengthy illness. Maybe you're on your own for the first time in years, or maybe...just maybe, everything is perfect with your family, your work, and your finances, but you're wearing a heavy blanket of grey around your shoulders and head. I tell you again, it's okay to not be okay. 

In the throws of our infertility journey, I had a specially hard time with watching all the nieces and nephews gather together to have their pictures taken with Santa, or the holiday pregnancy announcements, knowing yet again I did not ACTUALLY get what I REALLY wanted or longed for, for Christmas.
What helped me most though was accepting that I was not okay but that eventually, I would be.

As any good Christian blogger, I will be bringing some spiritually to the table, bear with me if you can. Did you know that Jesus had been promised to save his people for almost 400 years before his birth? That even though Elizabeth and Zachariah we're loved and favored by God their hearts were also wanting for a baby at their ancient ages? I won't tell you that everything happens for a reason or that the timing has to be exactly "so". What I am telling you is that God's promises, always, always, always prevail. That no matter how alone you feel, how sad you feel, how lonely you feel, that you are loved by a God who knows how many hairs you have on your head and that he finds you more precious than rubies.

I say this not only because I believe it's true, but because it's part of my Holiday Survival Guide. These days, after almost 9 years of infertility and 6 of them battling back against depression, I can tell you some tried and true things that work on a non-spiritual level...at least for me... but please, feel free to create your list.

Your survival guide. Think of it like "fight club". There's only one rule, and that's to take care of yourself. Rule #2. We don't talk about rule #1...mostly because it's no one's business but also because YOU DO YOU BOO BOO!

Alright... step 1: (see Christian blogger comment above) Find a bible study plan. Whether it's about pain, anxiety, Christmas, hope, fear, baby Jesus, orrrr if you really just want to tap out and learn some weird stuff read the book of numbers. This gives you a focus for each day. On a non-spiritual level, you could look up affirmations to say to yourself...although this works for spiritual people as well.
A very dear client of mine told me her affirmation is "I am enough." I have been using that lately as I battle feelings of inadequacy. I am currently trying to unlearn some unconscious beliefs I have...(more on this later...by later I mean a different post.)

Step 2: Do something special for yourself EVERY SINGLE DAY. Not joking. Whether you get coffee in the morning, treat yourself to a bubble bath or go for a walk, whatever is going to be a small shot of joy for your day. Do that. It can be as huge as going to bed early, have ah one cocktail as a nightcap before bed. (Not too much though as you still have to do adult things the next day.) Paint your nails, DON'T DO THE LAUNDRY -- I give myself the gift of not folding at least 3 times a week. 🤣

Step 3: Let go. MUCH EASIER said than done, but if you can let go of the perfect party platter, the right gifts for each person. Have the grocery store make the platter and get them a gift card. Better yet... give them the gift of a happy healthy you, showing up and being present.

Step 4: Say no. The better you take care of yourself the better you are for everyone around you. Sometimes self-care means saying no to one more Christmas or Holiday party. It means saying no to living outside of your means. It means saying no to that extra cookie because you know it'll make your stomach hurt. It might even mean saying no to spending time with toxic people... AND THAT'S OKAY. (Clarification, saying not to toxic people is ALWAYS encouraged, but especially important when you need to recharge those mental, emotional batteries around the Holiday season.)

last step. Step 5: Practice gratitude. Quite a few years ago, I was working with a very difficult person. It was a person who would purposely say hurtful things every time they saw me. They talked down to me and never let me forget how "important" they were. Unfortunately, I did not have a choice but to work with this person. In a moment of desperation, I tried to take my mind off of how I was feeling and onto something different. I hadn't quite got the hang of practicing gratitude yet or managing my panic attacks, so the only thing I thought to myself was
"Chandler's knees. Chandlers ankle. Chandler's ankle hair." (F.r.i.e.n.d.s Season 4 episode 4 about the last 5mins 20seconds left of the episode...in case you need a reference.) This line helped me out of the negative thought process I was in and then I started trying to number the people who I loved and that I was grateful for. Eventually, I lost track of numbers and was able to relax and enjoy the rest of my time in this persons presence.

Let's recap.

1 rule: PRACTICE SELF CARE

5 steps to Self Care:

• Affirmations or a bible study for daily focus
• Treat yo' self once a day. 
• Let go
• Say no
• Practice gratitude

Friends, this is a joyous time of year that can often bring painful reminders that your miracle is not yet here yet. I pray you find rest, recharge your batteries, and practice daily self-care.
Blessings,
A